ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
