I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
