"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
