at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
