I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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