didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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