i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
