What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
