my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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