Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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