We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
