goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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