just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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