3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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