all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sobbing to NWA
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
