I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
