cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
