i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
