Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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