If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
