Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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