Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
