I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
