Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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