how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
