worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
