you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
