so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
