dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
