JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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