Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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