I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
