I think I died a long time ago.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
