Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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