Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
