So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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