I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
