cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize