And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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