apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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