I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
