well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
