Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
