I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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