She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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