she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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