I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
