I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
