i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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