oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
