Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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