my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
