Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
