i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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