tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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