I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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