I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i love accidental penises.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
