If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
