Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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