I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
