I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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