Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
