We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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