im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had sex on a roof
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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