I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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