If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
