We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
