I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
