there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
so much tequila, so little girl.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
