dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We left the knife in your bed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
