Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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