My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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