Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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