i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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