I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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