So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
BRING THE BAGELS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
