Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
