cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
did you just send me my own nude
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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