she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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