I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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