My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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