I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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