Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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