Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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