I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
