So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
