I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
