the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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